Following is a true story. . an excerpt from our lives. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent. . because, frankly, no one is innocent.
9:05 a.m.--Dev (in an incredibly calm voice, talking to no one in particular) "HMMM, there's a rat in here." (continues to watch cartoons)
10 seconds later D says again "Yup, that's a rat alright."
Tristan confirms that there IS indeed a mouse loose in the living room.
Mom: "Get a bucket and a broom and see if you can scare it out and throw the bucket over it."
D: "There he goes back behind the TV."
enter Grant (who has just gotten out of bed): D and T explain what they are doing with buckets and brooms.
Grant grabs a second entrapment container and joins them. Mouse runs from one side of the entertainment center, now sticking out into the middle of the room, to the other.
Mom: (standing on chair with coffee mug) "Mouse, mouse, mouse, MOOOOUUUUUSSSSE!!"
Mouse running past mom into the office.
Tristan: "Good Lord mother, it is JUST a little mouse."
Mouse hunters move from living room to new office furniture, where the coward is hiding now.
D: "I'm not helping anymore, it'll probably bite."
Mom: (still on chair with coffee) "Oh good grief, it won't bite you, he's way more scared of you than you are of him!!" (Really???) "Shut the door to the basement so he doesn't run there."
D: "Good idea, I'll shut all the doors so he can't get away."
Mouse runs from one corner of office furniture to the other, new file cabinet moves into the middle of the room.
Mom: (hand over mouth, biting thumb) calmly says "there he goes."
Mouse hunters move from the office to the kitchen.
Mom can no longer see, which is good news!
Refrigerator rolls into the middle of the room.
Mouse hunters "We got him!" Mouse hunters speaking very rapidly now, mom doesn't know who says what because she is SOOO proud that her children have caught a live mouse that she is already planning what to say to dad when she calls him in the shop to report. "OK we'll just lift up a little."
Mom: "Just slide him to the door and we'll scoot him out."
Mouse hunters. "Ok on the count of three. . ."
Mom: "NOOO, don't lift him up, just scoot him. . ."
Mouse hunters. "One. . ."
Mom: "NNNNNOOOOOO, don't lift the box."
Mouse hunters. "Two. . ."
D: "He just jumped out of the handle, there he goes!"
Mouse hunters: "MOOOOOOM--there's a space under your cabinets."
Mom argues uncontrollably that there couldn't POSSIBLY be a space under the cabinets for him to go--they are NEW!"
Mouse hunters: "Well, he's gone, come look for yourself."
Mom: "Absolutely not."
Mouse: (heavy breathing) "I think I just crapped on the floor!"
And that's how our day began!
The Boarding House by The Pioneer Woman
1 day ago