Just Can't Help Myself

Yesterday it was 110 (at 4:00 when I left the clinic). I ordered some agave from my favorite High Country Gardens. .for those that don't know. .they are succulents that LOOOOOVE heat (which we have plenty of, even in a normal year.) I will replace the dead spruce tree you got to witness last week, and put a few of them around in the same area. When I saw this email last night from my dear Uncle Pete. .I laughed until I CRIED!! And then tried to read it to my husband. .and had to stop several times before I could finish. .by then the tears were just ROLLING down my cheeks!! I knew all my Kansas friends (and those in Oklahoma) would get a kick out of it as well!! Here's a laugh for you today.

Dear Diary,

Just moved to Kansas! Now this is a

state that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.

It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

June 14th:

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live

in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a

pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a sun

worshipper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus

and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the

lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do people get used

to this kind of heat? At least, it's kind of windy though. But

getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the community pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my

body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I

learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning.

By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen

up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon.

The car now smells like Kibbles and Sh*ts. I learned my lesson

though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes

again.

July 25th:

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!! And it's

hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC

repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now, $225,000 house and I

can't even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever

come here?

Aug. 4th:

Its 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.

It cost $500 and gets the temperature down

to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:

If another wise one cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm going to

strangle him. Darn heat. By the time I get to work, the

radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I sat on

the seats in the car, I thought my rear was on fire. My skin

melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the

back of my legs and ass…now my car smells like burnt hair, fried rear, and

baked cat.

Aug 10th:

The weather report might as well be a darn recording. Hot and sunny.

Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do anything

for 2 darn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

Doesn't it ever rain in this dang state? Water rationing will be

next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over. Even

the cactus can't live in this dang heat.

Aug. 14th:

Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead. Forgot

to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?" My sister had to spend $1,500 to

bail me out of jail. FREAKING KANSAS. What kind of a sick demented

idiot would want to live here??

Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

 

My folks are headed to Alaska this week to celebrate their 40th anniversary. .sure wishin' I was going with 'em!! Stay cool!!