Showing posts with label work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label work. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I LOVE Bah-stan!!

. .Where, instead of "parking the car". .they pawk the caw!!
What a GREAT place!! There wasn't a great opportunity for me to take pictures. .we were in class early and not out much.  The trolley photos were taken through the old dingy plastic sheeting (since it was SO cold out, they left them down).  Mostly, I will ramble a little about the trip between the photos. .so enjoy the pictures. .and skip the rambling if you like. .though I promised to share the heartwarming tale of my praying 8 year old and the new friend. .and I must tell the tale of the crazy shuttle driver!
I'm not a real traveler. .though I LOVE to travel. .I am totally novice. .and not really in the know about lots of travel etiquette.  This was probably my 5th plane adventure.  I love to fly too! And I've mentioned before my tendency to just jump into things and think about it later?! The feeling that I got while walking to the plane Tuesday was "Oh crap. .what have I gotten myself into now???"
As I got off the plane in Boston, picked up my luggage and walked out of the airport. .I was completely overwhelmed at the number of people. .buses. .shuttles. .taxis. .and my lack of knowledge.  I ended up with a delightful taxi driver that gave me much history as he drove me to the hotel. .in a dialect that prevented me from understanding much of what he said!
Devin was SOOO concerned about who I was going to hang out with while I was there.  He asked me several times before I left if I would make a friend while I was there.  I assured him that I would certainly meet some new people, and it would be fine.  The first question he had for me the night I left was whether I had made a friend or not.  Of course, just having gotten there. .and not being in contact with people, I blew him off reporting to him that I had not yet been to class to meet anyone.  He was satisfied with that answer. 
Wednesday found me immersed in lectures all day. .and brain dead by day's end. (the lecturing was intense and fast) I was feeling overwhelmed and tired. .and frustrated that I hadn't met anyone "in depth" enough to eat supper with.  And this is where the story gets neat.  After talking to Jeremy for a few minutes in the middle of his "end-of-day" work responsibilities. .I decided to wander around in the mall area.  As I left the hotel to enter the mall, I noticed a younger woman heading that way too. We made eye contact and smiled at one another and I wondered if I should ask her whether she had been at the conferences (I didn't notice her there. .but there were a lot of people). I realized how utterly ridiculous that would sound. .so I kept quiet and ended up stopping off in the Barnes and Noble for a while. .I suppose killing time while trying to get the gumption to decide whether I wanted to try lobster for one. .or eat at the food court and go home. 
I put my brave face on and headed for the seafood restaurant.  I was able to seat myself in the bar portion of the restaurant. .and walked past a few open seats to find one further in the back.  As I was sitting down at a table. .I looked up and saw the girl from earlier at the table next to me.  The funny thing was that. .from all those people in the mall. .she recognized me from the hallway too and invited me to join her. .
and the rest was history.  She was the type of person that I felt like I had known my whole life! We both enjoyed incredible lobster dinners and talked for well over an hour.  When I called home later and talked to Devin. .His first question was if I had "been to school." Second question was whether I had found a friend.  When I asked Dev if he had been praying for me to meet a friend. .His reply was an emphatic "Yes!." I could sense his quiet satisfaction with the answer to his prayer!! And I was well pleased too! Samantha works in college health as well as women's health in Pennsylvania.  She has a vibrant personality and was so enjoyable to talk with over leisurely meals that 1 1/2 hours slipped by the second day and we were nearly late back to classes from lunch. 
The meals were sensational!! I did try a plain steamed lobster. .as well as a lobster roll (which is like chicken salad. .except with lobsta). .clam chowda. .swordfish. .polenta. .a couscous side dish with fennel. .as well as food from Cheesecake Factory and PF Changs.  I checked a lot of food off my dietary bucket list of things to eat in my lifetime!!
Aside from the long days in the classroom. .we enjoyed a night visit to the top of the Prudential building. .where the Boston night pictures were shot. .an evening strolling around Newbury Street (a high end shopping area full of quaint little boutiques and interesting restaurants). .as well as a trolley tour of the city.  A law was passed in Boston many years ago. .that you could do anything you like to the inside of the tall condo-like buildings. .but you could NOT change anything to the outside. .including the old wooden signs.  Those buildings have been changed into apartments and shops. .and as you walk down the street. .people sit outside on their steps and visit. .I was reminded of Sesame Street several times!! What a fun place to see!
The trolley tour was a narrated historical tour. .and the driver was a great story teller.  I made a vow that I would return to Boston someday to see some of the history at more leisure.  They dropped us off at Quincy Market. .a large indoor/outdoor shopping market with tons of souvenirs and dining. .where we enjoyed dinner and some shopping. 
Saturday found me ready to get home!  Which is how I ended up in my shuttle driver mess.  I had a reservation for a shuttle service to pick me up and return me to the airport.  As I walked out of the hotel a couple minutes early, there was a shuttle already there.  It wasn't until she had my luggage loaded that she said she would take me (even though she wasn't the one scheduled to pick me up) and would call the company in a few minutes to tell them she had me.  She had a very scattered and disorganized demeanor (which I figured out about the time she turned onto the street from the hotel).  She had a GPS monitor hooked up which kept advising her to turn left. .which she never did. .at that point I was getting a little nervous.  About that time my cell rang. .and the shuttle company was on the other end wondering where I was.  Still oblivious to the fact that this was going to be a real problem. .I reported to the dispatcher that one of their shuttles had already picked me up. .Silence. .UH, which shuttle was that???? The driver told me the number of her shuttle and I relayed the info to him. Unhappy tone. .nice reply. .hung up.  Great.  By this time, we were at a different hotel to drop off a couple that had been in the van when I got on.  As the driver closed her door, they started laughing and wished us (another NP was on the van headed to the airport too) luck. .and let us know that we were in for the trip of our lives.  Instant stomach ache on my part! As the driver got back in and pulled from the curb, her phone rang.  Now whether she had it on speaker phone. .or that dispatcher was yelling so loudly that she didn't need speaker phone. .I don't know. .I do know that she was probably relieved from her position later that day.  He chewed her out quite royally and we were all mortified!! The other girl tried to smooth things over and the woman started talking. .all the while her GPS was still saying Turn left. .turn left here. Being polite, I asked her if she had grown up around Boston. .Heck NO. .she was a bus driver from New Hampshire who had just been coming to Boston on the weekends for the last couple months to drive the shuttle for extra cash.  Now I could feel the vomit at the back of my throat!! (I should also probably mention that she had already asked me twice what time my flight was. .and once asked me if I was going to make it there on time. . .W-H-A-T???) I was sure that I would totally miss my flight and be stuck for another day (since it was the last flight back to Wichita Saturday) The last straw was when we passed some famous landmark and she says "Oh good. .I know just how to get to the airport from here. .it will be 5 minutes." I passed out and didn't wake up until she kicked me out on the curb!
Truly. .the whole experience was blessed!! I learned a lot. .and found out that I know a lot (which is always a good thing). The food was to die for. .and I have accumulated a new friend and colleague for life!! Hope you enjoyed the rambling stories. .If you haven't been to Boston. .and the opportunity arises. .jump on it!! You won't be disappointed!! I promise!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Reality Check

Today I feel frustration. I feel stressed. I feel anxious. I feel overwhelmed by the horrible things that people deal with in their lives. I feel sorrow for the generation which doesn't seem to care about the "right" way to do things. I feel fatigue in dealing with people who make bad choices and then don't understand why their lives are so rough. I feel pain for the children I work with whose PARENTS make bad choices and those kids are left to teach themselves (generally without success).

I wonder if anyone will ever be able to make a difference in their lives. I wonder about the difference I make. . .I wonder if I just talk and explain and care and worry in vain. I wonder how they will cope in their suffering. I wonder if some of them will ever find God and trust in Him.

I pray. I know fully that God is in control. . .I know fully that he uses me as his tool in people's lives. . .I know that fully that my words are His words, speaking to hearts what he needs them to hear at that moment. I pray that my words and actions are right. I pray that they can see Jesus in my eyes or that they can feel Him in my presence. I pray. For wisdom and truth.

But still. . .I find myself wondering. . .and feeling.

In the last two weeks I have cared for a 15 year old who was 2 months post-partum. I have cared for MANY women/girls who are so lost in the sins of sexual immorality that I wonder if they will ever find their way. . and if they do, will they be remorseful and repentent, or will they even know that they were wrong? I have cared for teenagers whose family life is completely INCOMPREHENSIBLE to me and I wonder how they could ever possibly grow up "normal." I have cared for women who have their had their hearts broken. I have cared for non-compliant people that make me want to gouge my eyes out. I have cared for long time patients now facing terrible and terminal illnesses. I have cared for their families that have to cope with, not only a changing family member, but the fact that the life they love so much, may be gone more quickly than they ever dreamed. I have cared for families dealing with more than one devastating disease within their family unit at once. I have cared for friends to whom I have had to explain their new chronic disease processes, diseases that make them face their own morbidity and mortality. I have cared for so many people that are breaking my heart, that I feel emotionally wasted. . drained. . dead.

Please don't get me wrong. I love my job. I love my patients. I love what I do. That love is what makes me who I am, and is the driving force behind what I do. But today my heart feels heavy. Heavy with questions for God. Why?? It's not my job to understand, or to see the big picture. It's not my job to judge people. It's not my job to question God. It is my job to pray; and my job to listen for God's soft whisper; and my job to say the things he lays on my heart to say.

The thing that I LOVE most about blogging, is that I can be me, talking about what I want to! I can be silly if I want, educational if I choose, serious and reflective if I need to be, but it's always MY choice. I enjoy telling stories on my family, and love talking about gardening or cooking or the latest projects. As I have grown in my career over the last 15 years, it seems more people can relate to me only on a medical level, and less people can relate that I am just a plain, ole ordinary person who doesn't LOVE to talk shop always and everywhere. I am not tougher than anyone else, not cooler than anyone else, not a hero. I am just me; just a human; one who hurts like you, bleeds like you, and screws up DAILY. .just like everyone else!!

SO, as I moped around my kitchen this evening in my heavy-heartedness praying for wisdom and answers and peace, I felt the urgency to blog. I argued with myself for over an hour. No one wants to hear that; no one will understand; TOO HEAVY. The soft, familiar voice that I hear so often spoke: "I need you to write." And here I am. Not sure why, other than that God told me to write. I hope the writing will benefit someone. But even if it doesn't, it seems to have benefited me!! I am feeling better, and more courageous, and strengthened. Thanks for listening. . and I promise not to make a habit of this! Tomorrow will be fresh and new and better!

1 Peter 5:6-11

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Time for a Change

The last 6 months have left me feeling like it was time for a change in my life--now don't freak out, I'm not divorcing my husband or having another baby. After much contemplating, praying, dreaming, and realistically figuring, I found myself in the office of my administrator--handing in my resignation. I graduated in August of 2000, and have been walking (and periodically running) through these halls for 9 years. I love LOVE my job, so this has been a hard decision. The issues that I am having right now are time and priorities.



The 9-5 part of the job is not a problem. I appreciate the days that I know I can go home and fix supper without work interruptions, do some laundry, help everyone get their homework done and keep them on task, get the kids to bed and enjoy some quiet time. We take a 1 in 3 call schedule--52 weeks a year--for the last nine years. That means that 2-3 days/evenings/nights are not my own, nor do they belong to my family. . .They are devoted to my job. If the phone rings, I must answer it; if problems come up, I must solve them; if someone needs me I MUST GO--no matter what. It doesn't matter if I have a cake in the oven to supply for a funeral dinner, or if I am in the middle of a board game with the kids, or even if I have a vomiting 1 year old--My job HAS to be the priority. Someone's life might depend on me! Excuse my quote from the first Spiderman movie--but the first time I heard it, it struck a chord so mighty in my heart that I have never forgotten it. Peter's uncle said to him "Pete, with great power comes great responsibility." That SO explains my job. That quote has carried me a long time.



However, the kids are getting older and 2 of them will be involved in many activities over the next few years. This last year I missed a lot of events because of my on-call responsibilities. With the age difference between the oldest and the younger two, there will be a lot of individual and unique needs going on in my household for the next several years. That made me stop and ponder my life. I have come to the conclusion that, while I can help so many people through my work, if I screw up my own kids, they can be more detrimental to themselves and to society that my efforts with the public will be in vain. Which leads me back to my resignation.

I am hoping to continue to see patients in the clinic 1-2 days a week. The Board of Directors has already offered this opportunity back to me. And I was thrilled. They will be making decisions regarding how they will fill my vacancy from full time call and clinic time. I will also continue my job at the family planning clinics in Oklahoma. I have come to view this job as a mission field (that deserves it's own blog in the future). For now I will just say that I have had an incredible opportunity to teach, listen, parent, and advise many women--some that needed more help than others. I have seen a huge number of girls age 13-17 with more partners than any one person should be allowed to have and I truly think that I am making a difference in their lives. I feel that the Lord is directing my words and teaching to be individualized to what each of those young women need to hear to change their lives. I don't have a canned speech that goes across the board. Each conversation I have is unique and different. It has been an exceptional experience! Now don't get me wrong--there are still women that I just want to smack 'em when I leave, but most are receptive and concerned! (Oh my, see how easy it is for me to climb on the soapbox??)


Anyway my resignation is effective Dec 31. And in the fall, I will cut the family planning days down until after the holidays. The actual point of this blog was to highlight some of the things that have been heavy on my heart the last few weeks--THE LIST--things that I will not miss about my ER/call job, and things that I will miss!! Enjoy!!



Things I will NOT miss about being on call:

--Blood. I hate blood, and I truly hate LOTS of blood in one place at one time. It's gross--plain and simple.

--Dislocated appendages. Double ick--almost worse than blood. I am becoming quite good at re-locating fingers-but it is gross--makes a grind/pop noise and the sensation I get under my fingers from their fingers is GROSS--plain and simple!

--Full moons. I'll bet I will never again know when the moon is full unless I see it myself. For instance, several weeks ago I received a call from the hospital at 11:00 at night regarding a mental health patient who was quite delusional. I thought as I walked to the back door to go out to my car "wonder what the moon is like?" Guess what? It was FULL. HMMM. People that is NOT a myth--ask anyone who works in childcare or a nursing home! They'll tell ya!

--Blatant disrespect for my time. People will never cease to amaze me. Unless you have worked in a hospital, you would not believe the people that will come to the ER instead of the clinic as a convenience issue for themselves (example--couldn't get off work to come, have to work today at 6 am, so I come in at 4 am so you can write me a note, etc etc). People with no insurance also present to the ER because they have to be treated whether they can pay or not, whereas a clinic can refuse to see you unless you pay your bills. These people usually come at supper time.


--Living in fear of my phone ringing!

Things I will TOTALLY miss about being on call:


--intriguing experiences like delivering a baby, working with lost mental health patients in the middle of the night, and removing a bug from someones ear canal only to discover that the bug is actually over an 1 inch in diameter with HUGE wings and the beadiest eyes ever!

--heart to heart visiting with the staff at 3 am because I know I won't be able to sleep when I get home anyway!

--being in the right place at the right time to be able to make a difference in the life of someone, especially when they are sick or injured. That difference has sometimes been the difference between life and death! Some of my most rewarding experiences took place in that ER!

--I am a teacher at heart. I love to teach--school children and adolescents, patients, and my staff. I usually cannot refrain from teaching anyone that will listen to me about cool new things I have seen or how I reached a conclusion about a more difficult case. Consistently my best audience is the nurses I work with!

--I will totally miss the excitement of the unknown. For the most part, I am NOT an adrenaline junkie. In fact, I don't really like the stomach butterflies, the heart racing or the dry mouth I get in response to the sound of the ambulance call over the radio. However, there is an incredible rush of emotion and feeling after conquering a huge challenge--that is the feeling that I will miss!

--And lastly, with my sheepish guilt--I will miss the days where my kids are misbehaving HORRIBLY, and I am glad for the excuse to say "OH, gotta go, see ya later-don't kill each other or tear the house down before I get home!"

So there it is, though certainly not all-inclusive! There are many more things that I will and will NOT miss about my ER duties. I think that this will be a good change for now, and my family and I are excited about it!

Tomorrow we are headed out on the family adventure. We have been looking forward to this for months and plan to meet up with my whole family--21 of us in all--to hang out for a long weekend in the Branson area. Praying for a safe trip for all!